Today we learn:

  1. A dairy pun, is just way too much fun, but not as much as rhyming.
  2. Divorce is easy over text message. Cowardly, but hey, humans have proved over centuries that they can live with that.

Kelis’ milkshake brought Nas to the yard, but couldn’t keep him there.

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What’s worse, Nas has milked the cow for two years, and now he wants an udder. “The first one got too cheesy,” he moos. Well Kelis isn’t taking that squatting on all fours, because damn right, her milkshake is better than yours… Okay. All these dairy puns are giving me a headache. To tell you the whole story in a milk carton, Kelis claims she has no money and is suing soon-to-be-ex-husband, rapper Nas, for not forking over spousal and child support, especially since there is a bun in her oven – that’s right, soon they’ll hear the pitter patter of tiny calf feet, running across the floor of her yard… So, clearly, once you start with the dairy puns, you can’t stop.

I wnt 2 dvorce u, bcoz u suk

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A recent survey revealed that mobile phone consumers think it’s okay to break major news over text message – including divorce. Let’s take a moment to be thankful for technology, clasp our hands together and sing Kumbaya, because now we can now all be lily-livered weasels that do the hard things in life via text. Soon text messages like the following ones will become a regular occurence – “drlin, drpped bby on hed, in hosp, u tk cr.” And “swthrt, rnning away wid plmber, tking ur mney, XOXO,” or even the worst sin mankind can commit – “hney, ate lst pice of choc ck. Luv yu.” Hey, don’t judge our cowardice, it’s the tech geek’s fault that they’ve made it so easy for us to get away with all sorts of, you know, fkery – except for the last one. People who eat the last piece of your chocolate cake should just be flogged to death. No one should be allowed to get away with that. No. One.

– Anuya Jakatdar