photo credit: 915thebeat.com

I was once a faithful soap opera follower. Though it was (thankfully) only for one year, I was absolutely obsessed with Passions (R.I.P., old friend). I couldn’t get enough of the Ethan/Theresa/Gwen drama (Team Theresa all the way). I lived for lascivious shots of the oft-shirtless Miguel. Caliente.

But I digress. The point is, most of us can relate to being a die hard soap fan, and laughing at/loving the ridiculous plot twists that these shows spit out. Sadly, recent ratings tumbles have spelled doom for the genre. The latest to get the ax is Guiding Light, the CBS stalwart that began as a radio serial way back in 1937.

No different than other soaps, the show featured a myriad of misguided weddings and subsequent divorces. I brushed up after a quick Google search and finding this in-depth article, and thought I’d share the juiciest break-ups from the show’s 72 year-run.

  • Reva and Josh — This pair have gotten married three separate times. Their tale involves time-travel (they knew each other in previous lives, obviously) and a clone (seriously), and at one point Reva married Josh’s brother just to spite him. She also drove her car off a bridge and disappeared for a few seasons. I guess that’s a pretty logical reason for splitting.

  • Reva and Josh’s first wedding. Their misguided outfits were the first sign of trouble, photo from guidinglight.net

  • Harley and Mallet — Mallet is officially the best soap opera character name I have ever heard. These two met at the police academy, but their love was almost thwarted when Mallet was “injured in a explosion that left him impotent and deaf.” Yikes. Of course, Mallet recovered completely. Then Harley the hussey cheated on him, and their marriage was toast.
  • philhar1
    Harley and Mallet. He looks like a hard-hitter to me (hey-o!), photo credit: members.tripod.com

  • Eleni and Frank — This arranged marriage, orchestrated by Eleni’s Uncle Stavros, went awry when Eleni was somehow blackmailed into marrying someone else. Naturally, she got preggers with Frank’s baby, and the two had a shotgun wedding. Then she had an affair. (I’m sensing a theme here.)
  • Morgan and Kelly — Which one is the girl? (Kidding. It’s Morgan. I think.) These star-crossed lovers braved Kelly being Morgan’s much-older tutor and Kelly saving her from some sort of evil duke. (Side note: why do dukes always end up being evil?) But their union was short-lived when troublemaker Josh crashed the party and broke them up.

The Light goes out on September 18. Check out all the drama while you still can.

–Katie Nowak

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